A Date.

We have a date for our two little ones to go home.

The next question I always get when/if I share that information is "how are you feeling about that?"

That is a really tough question to answer, but this week I'm starting to wrap my head around it.  It is feeling a lot like an upcoming move to a new place.

There is some excitement about what the future holds.  Overnight we will go from having a baby and a preschooler to basically having just elementary school kids (Owen is close, he's still in PreK, but he'll be 5 in January).  Scheduling around naps, visits, and therapy is suddenly done.  I'll no longer have 3 kids crammed in across the back of the minivan (praise the LORD.... having some space for a bit will be nice.  The drama there.  Argh.).  There are some behaviors that we will not miss having in our house.  One less school drop off and pick up each day.

Then there's the recognizing of all the lasts.  Just like whenever I've moved I start thinking "oh, this is my last time doing xyz."  Same thing.  Last trip to the library or playdate with a friend.  Lots of lasts.  Those come with some sadness, heavy heartedness, and maybe a little bit of heartbreak.  They've been my kids for a long time now.... even though they never fully were.

And, of course, there is some anxiety over what comes next.  I know, as an adult, I might be sad at times, but I have a level of confidence that Marty & I will get through this transition okay.  I even feel like our boys are going to be able to roll with it fairly well.  But I don't know that for sure.  I don't really know what to expect.

Then there's the baby and the captain.  I don't know how this transition will go for them.  We are adding longer visits at home to prep them.  The captain is pretty excited to live in a home with less structure and more freedom - he's quick to tell me that.  He knows his mom and dad and wants to live with them.  He also loves us and is quick to say those words and that he will miss us.

It's harder and easier for baby girl.  Easier because she doesn't have memories of what led to their removal from the home.  Potentially harder because she has lived here for a long time.  She doesn't have memories of mom and dad.  She has built a relationship with them, but it is still going to be starting fresh in some ways.

It seems easy for outsiders to want to bash the kids' parents.... but that's not fair.  Yes, they made some really bad choices that did not keep their kids safe.  They have also done a lot of work over the past 18 months to get to a place where their kids could be returned to their home.  All parents have the right to be able to raise their children, as long as they can keep them safe.  They get to have another chance.  I don't know if it will work out or not, but I hope and pray for the sake of these beautiful little kids that it will.

I guess that is all to say, there are a lot of unknowns.  Just like there are in many other areas of life.