Pure Joy

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds

James 1:2 (NIV)

Seriously, what the pants kind of statement is that.  When I am in those moments of trials, heartache, and pain, I don't see pure joy.  This verse came up a few weeks ago in a study of the book of James. For whatever reason for the following days, I could not get that verse out of my head.....

Fast forward a day or two later and I was driving our tiny little Honda CR-V with the 3 boys in the back.  I am sure they were chatting away and blowing up other vehicles on the road with their imaginary bombs and other explosive devices (that's how we roll in the little CR-V).  

I was lost in my own little world reflecting on the fact that Gavin is almost THREE years old and reflecting back to the intense heartache that we were going through three years ago.  At that time, my heart was heavy and I wanted more than anything in the world to have another child in our family.  We had watched the families of dear friends and close family grow.... while we remained a family of three.  

Then, all of a sudden as I was driving, it hit me.  PURE JOY.  I would go through all that pain again and all that longing again to get to be Gavin's Mommy again.  As I type this, the memories of the pain of pregnancy loss and the inability to conceive go away and I think of the pure joy of Gavin joining our family.  Don't get me wrong.... there are some less joyful moments with any two (almost three) year old around, but words cannot even adequately express how happy and joyful I am that we get to love on Gavin and see him growing up.  I cannot imagine life without him.  That day in the car, I looked back at him with a heartfelt smile of joy.... that was likely returned with an imaginary grenade, but again, that's how we roll.   

There were so many times during that dark phase of life that I begged and pleaded with God for another child.  Begged.  Pleaded.  Fasted.  Cried.  Begged more.  God had a different plan than my original plan.  It reminds me a bit of the small children in our home.  They often ask for something once and when the answer is "no", they just continue to ask louder.... begging and pleading more with each request.  They are insistent that they know what is going to be best for them and what will satisfy their needs, give them pure joy.  If they could only understand that the reason I am telling them "no" is in their best interest; if only they could see the pure joy instead of just the immediate "no".  

I'm not sure I can say that I now completely understand everything about the aforementioned verse in James, but maybe a bit more than a did a few months ago.  Maybe the pure joy isn't immediate when we are facing trials, but maybe I also just need to be a bit more patient. 

Gavin adds an element of fun to our family.... that our genetics likely would not have produced. :)  He is a complete crack up and a bundle of energy.  He makes everything fly off the couches.... cars, toys, himself.  

I can honestly, finally, say that I am thankful for the pain that resulted in pure joy for our family.  

Love you, Gavin.  

Seriously, can he get much cuter.  My heart swells to see his little smile.  :)