Hope Floats.

"Beginnings are usually scary, endings are usually sad.  But it is what is in the middle that counts.  That is when hope floats."

Back in late '90s I kept a quote journal.  This one is from the movie Hope Floats.... which I remember absolutely nothing about other than it was likely a chick flick and I think Sandra Bullock was in it.

This quote has been running through my head a lot these last few weeks in relation to foster care.

Beginnings are usually scary....

Both times children have been placed in our home, I have spent the first few nights sobbing into my pillow instead of sleeping.  That first time it was while holding 2 month old "Baby Cuteness."  I did not want another baby in my arms at that moment.  I did not know what he wanted.... I did not know his cries.... I did not know what to do.  I did not know how this would work for our family.... how long he would be in our home.... how would we do this?!?

I thought the second time around would be different.  We knew what to expect.  It was not different.  If anything, it was even more difficult.  We put 3 year old "Captain" to bed and he was terrified.  He wanted comfort that we were unable to provide.  He wanted a room he knew and a familiar face.  After his screams had stopped and we had put his baby sister to sleep also, I sobbed into my pillow again.  With similar thoughts.  What are we doing?!?! How are we going to manage two 3 year old boys.  Maybe we should not be doing this.  Maybe the people in our lives who question us are right.  This is scary and I don't know that we can do this.

Endings are usually sad.....

We hear regularly, "I could never do foster care.  I would get too attached.  I would never be able to say goodbye."  Spoiler alert.... We can't either.  Yes, we are doing it, but I regularly do not know how.

Philipians 4:13  I can do all things through 

Christ who gives me strength.  

I think and pray this verse on a daily basis.  When I'm rocking "baby girl" to sleep... the same baby girl who struggled to even let me hold her to give a bottle a couple months ago.  When "Captain" is laughing his amazing, infectious laugh.  When he is sharing heartaches that a 3 year old should not have experienced.  Each time I think, how are we going to hand them back?  And we will.  They will go back home.  

However, we aren't saying good-bye every day.  Yes, there will come an ending point when they will go back home and we will say good-bye and it will be sad.  But that is not the every day.  I can't imagine saying "no" to loving them and providing for them today because I don't want to do that hard and sad day where we say good-bye.  They are doing hard, sad things every day.  I can handle that day (and the hard days that follow) and so can my family.

But it is what is in the middle that counts.  And that is when hope floats.

Right now is when hope is floating.   The scary beginning has passed.  We are loving the two little ones in our family.  We drove them 13 hours to stay a week at the farm in Iowa.  They are loved on by our families and friends.  The tantrums, laughter, joys, sorrows, meetings, endless phone calls, paperwork and appointments that come with foster care are a normal part of our life right now.  And overall it is all working for our family.  That is not to say that it is always super easy or always my favorite, but we are doing the thing that we feel God has called us to do.  That makes it good.

Hope floats. I have hopes that the joyful times in our home will outweigh the times that are difficult and the tears that are big (mine, the kids, they all mix together some days).  I have hope that even when it is challenging, we are giving these little ones a solid start and some stability right now.  There is hope that while we are loving these kids, their mom and dad are working on the things that are currently preventing them from parenting.  They are learning how to provide a more stable life for their kids.... and there is hope that this very broken foster care system might work for these kids.  Hope.

Ephesians 3:20-21  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably 

more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever!  Amen.

There are also prayers that Jesus will do way more than I can even imagine in the lives of these children.  That in addition to knowing everything about them and having a plan for them, I pray that they are able to see Christ's love shine through us.  Especially on the days when my own love and my own strength are hard to find.  I have the same prayers for the biological and adopted kids living in our home.... they are magnified a bit for the kids that I know we only have a limited time in their lives to make an impact.  And that, my friends, is when hope floats.  (Yep, I know it is a super cheesy quote, but it is also so fitting). 

Why you should consider foster care. Yes, YOU.

We took our 2nd foster placement at the beginning of November.  After just moving to a new house that needs a lot of updates.  Thankfully we are really settling in, in many ways.  This time we have a 3 1/2 year old boy ("Captain" is his nickname) and a 9 month old baby girl (we just call her "Baby Girl").

My heart melts when I think how little boy got the nickname "Captain", but I'll save that for a different post.  Remind me, k?

I can think of dozens of reasons why we should not be foster parents.  But none of them win when it comes to the reasons why.

1.  We can.  We have stable housing, a stable income, and an overall stable place to be.  We want to do this and God has provided us with the things we need in order to do it.

2.  You don't have to be a perfect parent or have a perfect family to provide a child with a safe, loving home.  Our family = not perfect.  We have kids of our own who have challenges (or are challenging), but in many ways I think that has simply prepared us more for being foster parents.

3.  This is our first placement with a child who talks.... Oh. My. Goodness. Friends.  If you have any desire to be a foster parent - PLEASE consider it.  The craziest days in our home do not compare to the things that have been seen and experienced by the children who have been removed from their homes.

4.  Our own kids.  We have chosen at this point to only foster children who are younger than our youngest child.  Our children are learning and growing along with us in this journey.  The conversations and the prayers we have shared with them are so encouraging.
 
YOU can do this!  If you have the desire, don't let your fears of these kids get in your way.  Seriously, no matter where you are living, there is a real need for quality foster homes.  I know we have only fostered 3 children at this point, but they have been the sweetest little kids.  Sweetest.  I am so thankful for the time that we get to love on each of them and to be part of their story.  And YOU can also do it.  Seriously, YOU can.

Owen, "Captain", and Gavin.  Seriously, just imagine all the energy in our house right now.  

 

God Chose.

-- "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.   Jeremiah 29:11 --

Baby Cuteness went home yesterday afternoon as planned.  It was a sad day, but I know that we'll see him again..... partially because I neglected to give his new foster mom some of his formula.  Whoops. :/  She is actually open to us seeing him ongoing at this point, so we will see what that looks like as we move forward.

Owen enjoyed some last minute snuggles and singing time before Cuteness left. 

Owen (3 1/2) is the child in our family who has had the hardest time seeing Cuteness leave.  After lunch yesterday I encouraged the boys to spend some time with Cuteness.  This conversation followed between the boys:

Owen (sobbing): "But Mommy, I don't want him to leave!  You're the Mommy and you get to choose.  I want you to choose for him to stay!"  (Big thoughts for a 3 1/2 year old).

Elijah: "No, Mommy is just the Foster Mom, so she doesn't get to choose."

Gavin "No, God gets to choose.  And God chose that we would just love him for a little bit and then he would go somewhere else."

And that was that.  God has a plan for Baby Cuteness and I'm glad that we were a part of it.

Sleepy time snuggles. 

Between 4 days and forever

Our first foster placement summarized in one blog post.  If that is possible?

We got the call for placement on Friday, 4/10 around 1pm.  A few short hours later, 2 month old "Baby Cuteness" arrived in our home.  We were told there was a strong possibility he would leave our home on Tuesday (4/14) to go live with a friend of his mom's (we'll call her Helen).

It is just shy of 3 months later and we are now preparing for him to leave on Tuesday to go live with Helen.

How to summarize the three months!?!

First off, there was initial chaos.  Within 48 hours of Cuteness' arrival, the stomach bug started going around our family, a raccoon ate one of our chickens, a toilet started leaking (insert plumber), I was on the phone with Urgent Care for the baby when Elijah choked on his dinner and threw up all over the table, and then we spent two nights in the hospital with Cuteness for dehydration.... he did not weather the stomach bug well.

There was the agonizing month when the county asked us if we would consider being an adoptive placement for Baby Cuteness if the other options did not work out.

But the day to day part of being a foster family has worked well for our family.  It has given us a platform of sorts for great conversations with the boys in our family as well as with friends.  It is evident that the need for foster families is very real.  The day to day chaos is manageable and we are able to do this - and enjoy doing it.  We are enjoying loving on a child who needs to be loved.

The biggest thing I have learned in this placement is what our role is as a foster family.  We really have felt that our role is "to love him like he is our own until he is not."  The most difficult part of fostering this first time around was learning how the foster care system rolls.  There are certainly injustices in the system and I could give many examples.  The biggest is the fact that we didn't have visits with Helen for these 3 months.... even though we requested them and we knew that the county was looking into her as a possible placement.  I feel like that would make the transition a little smoother for our family, her family and for Cuteness.

Tuesday will be a sad day for our family, but it is also a day that we will be able to rejoice in being a family of five again for a time.  We will certainly miss Baby Cuteness a lot, but we will also be busy with our own summer fun.  We will quickly go from having a nap time to the freedom of no naps, no diaper bag, no bottles and no baby food to carry along with us.

Summary: Yes, the foster care system is not a perfect or ideal system.  But we can do our part in it and love a child like he is our own, until he is not.  As long as we can focus on that, we're going to do this again, and again.

Cuteness has been well loved.  We'll miss him and love him always.

 

Hostage Situation

We are not a family that spends a whole lot of days at home.  Because, well:

Enter in the stomach flu.  We have had two bouts of it in the past two months.  Here is what has happened..... One kid gets sick and everyone else is well.  We wait the required 24 hours of being symptom free before we enter the world again.  Then the 2nd kid gets sick.... and the 3rd.... and the 4th... and Mom.... and Dad.  Enter in two weeks of not leaving the house.

We are currently on child number 2 of the 2nd round.  

I feel like I am a hostage in my house.  

There are all these small people who want to leave, but we are all housebound.  Everyone gets wonky and starts making completely unreasonable requests.  While lying on the floor screaming and crying. And of course, there is the sick kid that gets nearly anything he wants.  Including an insane amount of screen time.  The other boys are certain that they are going to literally die of boredom since whatever was planned for the day has been wiped off the calendar.  

I have a feeling I will block out this phase of life.  Hopefully this little blog post will help me remember it as I age.  When there is just one or two children in the family, an illness can be a relaxing time of snuggling, extra long naps, deep cleaning and relaxation from a busy schedule.

4 kids.  Serious hostage situation people.  

Quoting one of Owen's favorite sayings "I gotta get outta here!"

Owen's Shenanigans

she·nan·i·gans: 

1. secret or dishonest activity or maneuvering.

   • silly or high-spirited behavior; mischief.

   
   

After an 8 month hiatus in any blogging whatsoever, I have concluded that the daily shenanigans of our 3 year really needs some documentation.  For his future self.  And so when I am old and claim that he was the most difficult 3 year old ever, I've got some documentation to back that up.

This weekend a beautiful orange tiger cat followed Elijah home from getting the mail.  It had tags which read "Special Diet.  Do Not Feed." followed by a phone number.  Being the responsible citizens that we are, Marty called the number to inform them that their cat was on our front porch.  The kitty is an outdoor cat.  The owner warned us that kitty may end up trying to get into our house.

Problem statement:  I am not a cat person.  It may have something to do with growing up on a farm where there were plenty of farm cats that probably did not appreciate my young self trying to hold them and groom them.  Whatever happened, I am forever traumatized and do not trust cats.

After instructing Owen that under no circumstances should he let kitty into our house, I had to have known that was what was coming next.  

Owen stayed outside with Marty mowing the lawn and as the minutes passed, sure enough, there come kitty and Owen.  Being the rational adult that I am, I start screaming for Marty to come and rescue me from the calm, tame cat.... which I should mention is not declawed.  Like a crazy person.

3 year old: One point, Mommy: Zero.

Given Mommy's great response the first time, of course Owen was going to try again.  This time he let the cat in the house and then ran up the stairs so the cat would go snuggle him in his bed.  For real.  

Repeat above steps with Mommy losing her over-loving-mind.

Following the second entrance, Owen was not allowed back outside and the cat took up residence on our front porch for the entire day, sleeping on our patio furniture.  And Owen spent the entire day trying to get kitty back in the house.  With that devious look on his face... which he calls "I sneakin' at you with my eyes." Got to get a picture of that on here.

If I knew I was going to blog about it, I would have taken a photo of the cat too. 

You Cannot Make This Stuff Up.

In case you missed it, we are the proud owners of backyard chickens.  Last night Marty and I went out on a hot date to "back to school night" for the parents.  We came home to a devastated 8 year old because one of the chickens was missing.  We had reason to believe that it had gotten over the fence near the coop, so Marty was out in the neighbors backyard with a flashlight looking for the chicken (whose name happens to be Journey).  No luck.

We kept our eyes out this morning on the drive to school.... just in case we might actually see a chicken cross the road.  No luck.

After Gavin & Elijah were off at school and the rain had died down, I set off on the adventure of finding the chicken.  Hoping and praying that she survived the night outside the coop.  While scouring the next door neighbors yard, I saw her!  In the yard of the neighbors behind us..... which is precisely where I did not want her to be. We don't have a terrible relationship with these neighbors, we just don't know them and there have just been a few comments made over the years about our annoying Cottonwood trees.

With much hesitation, I wandered over the neighbors house. The plan was simple.  Catch the chicken, throw it over the (6 foot privacy) fence, go home and resume the day.

The elderly woman who answered the door was sweet as can be.  I have seen her and her husband over the fence many times, but never actually met them.... only some of their adult children.  She was more than happy to let me in the backyard to catch the chicken.

Problem.  I could not catch this chicken.  Oh my goodness.  And in the meantime Owen is throwing apples from her apple tree at the chicken.... which was not helping the situation.  I apologized profusely and said I would need to come back in a couple hours with my 8 year old.  He is really the one who is good at catching chickens.

We walk back through the house to go out front (as Owen is trying to take his shoes off, see if she has any toys, and asking what snacks she has).... the neighbor (that I just met) told me that her husband just died on Monday; less than 48 hours ago.  So she should be home for the rest of the day, but she really doesn't know....and family is coming into town.... and my chicken is in her backyard.  :(  So sad and so awkward.  And I have no choice but to come back so I can get my chicken out of her backyard.

Fast forward two hours and I return with a sympathy card, a hug, an 8 year old, a box, and a worm for bait.  (All the smaller children I dropped off with a friend this time).  As we walk into the backyard Elijah informs me.... "Mom, I haven't caught Journey since July!  She's really hard to catch."  Great.  This chicken is impossible to catch.  We are chasing this chicken all over and working up a sweat. We also have assistance from one of the neighbor's middle aged daughters.  (Who is here to grieve the recent loss of her father, not try to catch a chicken.)  Eventually we come up with the idea that we will grab some chicken feed and try to bait her into a box with that because she has to be getting hungry.

I decide that we will send Elijah over the (6 foot privacy) fence to grab some chicken feed.  This is a fence he has scaled many times to play with another backyard neighbor.  Well, this morning had been rainy so the fence was wet.  And as he was walking along it, holding onto the other neighbors backyard fort, he slipped and landed on his bottom.  One leg on each side of the fence.  Oh. My. Goodness.  So much pain.  This time I had to leave in a hurry with my crying, hurt child.  Leaving the chicken in the backyard.  For a second time that day.

Third attempt.  This time we arrive with me, Gavin, Elijah, Josh (the dad of a little boy I babysit), and a fishing net duct taped to a broomstick to catch the chicken.  (That was Plan A).  Plan B: Marty would scale the fence after dark (so we wouldn't have to disturb the grieving family a 4th time), find the roosting (aka sleeping) chicken in the dark & return it home.  Marty wanted nothing to do with disturbing a grieving family to chase a chicken around their backyard and they don't have easy access to the backyard other than through the house.

With the help of all those people, plus two grieving adult daughters, in less than 10 minutes the chicken was caught in the fishing net, placed in a box and safely loaded in the back of the minivan.

You can't make this stuff up, right?