Foster Care.

I don't blog much lately.  Foster care is messy.  I often have really big emotions and I feel like that is often coupled with a really small audience of interest.  It's so messy.  Then there is also the need to keep details confidential, so what can I really write about other than "it is hard some days"?

Our current placement has actually been much easier than the last one.  But today was an emotional day.  We've been waiting on Mom to make some choices and today was a big day.  And she didn't follow through with what she needed to do. 

Unless something else big happens in the next couple days, some big, important doors are going to be closed and her parental rights are going to be terminated this spring.  We are open to adopting her daughter and providing her with a forever home, so, you might think I would be overjoyed that she is not making the progress she needs.  I even thought I might be excited to hear that she hadn't followed through with this big step today.

But, I wasn't.  I got the text from the case manager and my heart sank.  I ended up sending Mom a text, hoping to encourage her to take a step forward.  A step that could help her re-gain custody of her daughter, even though I question if that is the best thing.  But encouraging Mom to take a step forward is the right thing and the best thing.  Mom didn't reply to my text.

Days like this make me question lots of things.  We are not in the business of trying to take people's kids from them.  We are trying to provide a safe, loving home while parents figure some stuff out.  But there are so many parents out there who aren't able to figure stuff out.

We are required to do roughly 1 million (or just 32) continuing education training hours per year.  I am constantly reading about helping kids from traumatic situations and also about what leads adults to drug addiction.  A big factor is a lack of community and connection.  How did we (as a society) get here?  And how do we overcome it?  Here is a good article about addiction.  I don't have any answers, just a lot of heartbreak.  There are also articles like this one "Colorado desperately seeking foster parents."

Again, I don't have the answers.  I just know that today was sad.

Why foster care?

All foster parents hear the same general things all the time.

- I could never do what you do.
- You guys are amazing.
- I would get too attached.
- How can you give them back?

I ain't gonna lie.  This fostering gig is hard, emotionally exhausting, and sometimes heart breaking.

So why do we do it?  I have to walk myself through this every few months and I find it helpful to write out my thoughts, so here it is.

I have always had a big heart for hurting people.  That is just how I'm wired.  I always wanted to be a foster parent.... kind of like how I always wanted to backpack Europe.  Backpacking Europe never happened, so I'm as shocked as everyone else that we are actually foster parents.

We got our license 3 years ago.  We started the licensing process soon after Owen turned 2, so our boys were 2, 4 and 8. 

At that point we knew we weren't going to have any more biological kids, we were potty training Owen, and I wasn't quite ready to be done as a stay at home mom.  Marty knew I had always wanted to foster and after I went to an info meeting with my friend, Amy, God really spoke to Marty's heart to say "yes, let's do this."  And we did. 

Side note.... I'm not a preschool teacher type or someone who just adores little kids.  I like them.... but we aren't winning any perfect parenting awards over here.

Now that we are in it (and by in it, I mean really in it), my passion for foster kids is really strong.  I will be the first one to admit that we are not perfect.  We have some intense kids and personalities in our home (not just foster kids).  It would probably be easier not to be foster parents.  But where else are these kids going to go?

Yes, there are good foster homes out there, but there aren't enough of them.  I definitely consider our home to be a good foster home.  We (all of us) have loved and continue to love these kids with all of our hearts. 

I have sobbed my eyes out when things did not go as planned on visit days.  Or when a child has cried in agony and anger "why do I have to have so many moms and dads?!?!" after moving through multiple placements. 

Sometimes it breaks my mommy heart when I miss my own kids events because I am driving a foster kid to therapy or a visit.  Especially early in a placement, it can be easy to be annoyed and resentful of a foster child, their intense behaviors and the insane amount of a time commitment involved.

But then there is the amazing progress that a kids makes.  It is so rewarding!  Not just for me, but for our entire family.  When a child comes into your home constantly screaming, digging in the trash for food and doing countless other things that are so not appropriate.... and then you can see the progress when that child starts to use words.  Or trust that you are going to have food for them.  It's like seeing something broken being put back together again.

Yes, the goal is always reunification.  Yes, that can be agonizing when you see the birth parents making crazy bad choices.  Yes, the foster care system is infuriating.  There are quality people within the system who want what is best for kids.... but they are also jaded after days, weeks, months and even years of seeing the same story repeat itself over and over again.

We get jaded too.  It is way easier to make light of a situation than it is to really process through it.  Processing through it takes a lot of emotional energy that isn't possible to constantly devote to just one life situation.  It's just always there.  This situation and this child's life that is hanging in limbo as birth parents work their way through the child welfare system.

All that to say, I guess why we do it is simply because now that I have personally seen and experienced children being removed from their parents, I can't look away.  I can't say, "this is someone else's problem."  Because who is that someone else?  Who?

The couple I met recently who constantly has 8-10 kids in their home?  But clearly isn't paying a whole lot of attention to any of them?  Or the sickening story where the foster dad (in our county) was sexually abusing the foster daughter? 

We take advantage of doors that fostering opens for our family.  Sometimes we get free tickets to events in town just because we are a foster family.  Often these are things we wouldn't do without the free tickets handed to us.  I see these things as blessings to our boys.  Also the compassion that our boys have for tough stuff that kids have been through.  I hope and pray they grow up to value this experience.

These foster kids aren't my kids.  And technically, legally, we can walk away and say "not my problem."  But who is going to step in and show them that they are worthy of being loved?  Of having their cries answered?  Of being held and given a bottle?  Who? 

That is the passionate question that I have when we consider being "done" as foster parents.  There are just so many kids and so few places for them to go.  Who?

Magical Fairytale Land

There is this great thing in foster care called "respite."  It is also known as "Magical Fairytale Land."

We utilized respite care a little bit with "Baby Girl" and "Captain."  The kids would go to another licensed foster home to give us a break, a chance to catch up on life, etc.  It is also called "Magical Fairytale Land" because kids in foster care usually behave so much better when they are in respite.  Respite is all about having fun, having more relaxed rules, and the kids just getting loved on.

We have dear friends who now have their foster care license just to provide "Magical Fairytale Land" weekends to foster kids.  It is so rewarding and not nearly as draining as being a foster provider.

This weekend was our first time taking a kiddo for respite.  He's an almost 6 year old little boy.  Truth be told, I was not super excited about it.  I got the low down from his foster mom telling me why they needed a break and what made fostering this child challenging.  I sobbed after getting off the phone with her and felt a little PTSD from our own previous fostering challenges.  Not only did I not want to watch this kid for the weekend, I also (at the moment) was certain I never wanted to be a foster mom again.  But we feel like this is what God has called us to do and we know how challenging fostering can be, so we said "yes."

I asked a few friends to pray for this sweet boy coming into our home about an hour before he arrived.... he had never met us and was only staying for 2 nights.  It was an hour before he arrived because up until then I was trying to pretend it wasn't really happening.

We were committed to creating our own Magical Fairytale Land.  Marty was pretty instrumental in this because he is way better at playing then I am.  There was a solid hour of playing hide and go seek, a trampoline park outing, ice cream outing, movie night, and park time.  One solid weekend of play for the foster child and for our kids as well.

There were a few things that are slightly annoying that happened, but it's like being a grandparent - we got to have the fun and not deal with the day to day reality.  I know this kid is going home at the end of the weekend and I don't really mind the annoyances.  Our boys think having "the new kid" around is great because it means fun for everyone!

I'm writing this all with the question to anyone who reads my blog.  Could you be a "Magical Fairytale Land" person?  Get to know a foster family (ours or someone else) and commit to loving their foster kids for an afternoon a week?  Or an overnight a month?  It really is such a blessing to foster families - and these foster kids.  And it's FUN!  :)

"Thank you for bringing me here"

Post from September 6th, 2016.... Just publishing it later:

Our two littles ones have been living in our home for nearly 10 months.

Once a month we have a home visit with the county caseworker.  She is the same person who dropped the kids off here back in November.  "Captain" has not spoken to her since then.  Each time she comes over he either hides or just gives her the stink eye.  He has been clear in saying that he is worried she is going to take him somewhere new.  We are their fourth foster home... going somewhere new is not a foreign concept to him.

This month when the caseworker was leaving, "Captain" approached her and said "thank you for bringing me here."  I wasn't in the room, so the caseworker came to tell me.  It took a little while for the significance to set in.  That statement is simultaneously the most heartbreaking and also most incredibly reassuring thing I have heard.

Overall, we are usually pretty sure that we are failing at this parenting gig.  It is hard to be patient with 5 little kids.  It is hard to have 3 little boys who are in the 4-6 year age range.   I'm never going to be good enough or feel like I am parenting well enough to say "I got this!  We are definitely great at this gig!"  Never.

We have a clinician who we see twice per month to provide our family with support.  I generally use my time with her as a confessional of all the times that I could handled intense situations better.  I have read countless books on parenting kids who have experienced trauma and accessed so many great resources (mainly as part of our required 32 hours of annual training hours).  While I have gained a lot of great tools, none of them have made me the perfect parent.  Stink.

As I was sharing some our recent failures and my enormous room for improvement with a friend, she told me that maybe I need to stop trying to be perfect and just start trusting Jesus to fill in the gaps.

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Throughout this past week, this phrase has resonated with me over and over again.  This season of life has been difficult in many ways, but I have rarely doubted that this is where we need to be.  I can think through the changes and the sacrifices and all I keep thinking is "Jesus, thank you for bringing me here."

Our schedule with therapies, visits, and just 5 kids is hard.

"Thank you for bringing me here."

Taking a break.

Going from having 5 kids to having 3 kids is amazing.  A-MAZING.  The level of drama in our lives and house is so low and so great.  We have gone on a few hikes as a family, had a family game night.... just done family stuff that did not happen as easily with the dynamic of our two extra kids.

I love those two extra kids with all my heart - and I am also glad that they aren't living here.  Which makes me feel a little bit like a jerk, but I know it is the right thing!  The statement I hear most often as a foster parent is "I couldn't let them go."   I don't know how each placement will go and how saying good-bye will go, but so far with our placements, it's been okay.  In this case, the parents have made immeasurable progress and are working so hard to be the best parents they can be.  They really are. My heart is happy for them.  They have their kids back.  They are doing their best to give their kids a good childhood.

The first two weeks after they left were a little tough.  I walked into our agency office thinking that I would just drop off my paperwork from the month and ended up hearing my voice crack and tears enter my eyes as I asked the question "are they safe?"  Hearing, "yes, we feel the kids are safe" was such a huge relief.  An even better feeling came less than a week later when we actually got to see the kids.  They spent an afternoon at our house and my heart was so full that it physically hurt.  Then I dropped the kids off to their parents, went home, and had a normal evening.  With our 3 kids.  It is great.

Owen asked recently "can I still call them my brother & sister?"  Yes, sweet boy, you can.  Our family might look a little different than others, but I don't really care what you call them.  Just love them.

It's been an introspective week.  Trying to figure out what to do with the "extra" time on my hands.  Taking a break from fostering has been a sweet time for our boys.  We are all enjoying each other.  We have had great conversations about fostering, about loving people in and outside of our family, and about what things we want to do before we take another placement.

I love fostering.  I feel like God has called us to be foster parents.  I love being a part of something bigger than myself, my family, my home, etc.  I like being a part of a team looking for how to best meet the needs of those around us.  I know I could be a part of a team in a normal job with less stress, but that isn't what I think God has called me to do.  There are, of course, a lot of really hard things as well.... but I'm just going to skip those for this post.

On that note, I love taking a break from fostering.  We have a chance to recharge and enjoy our family.  We need to chance to unlearn some things that became normal kid behavior in our house over the past year.  We need a break from the paperwork, the meetings and having everything in our house under lock and key.  Basically we need a break from the things about fostering that are really hard.

As of right now, I do believe we will foster again.

A Date.

We have a date for our two little ones to go home.

The next question I always get when/if I share that information is "how are you feeling about that?"

That is a really tough question to answer, but this week I'm starting to wrap my head around it.  It is feeling a lot like an upcoming move to a new place.

There is some excitement about what the future holds.  Overnight we will go from having a baby and a preschooler to basically having just elementary school kids (Owen is close, he's still in PreK, but he'll be 5 in January).  Scheduling around naps, visits, and therapy is suddenly done.  I'll no longer have 3 kids crammed in across the back of the minivan (praise the LORD.... having some space for a bit will be nice.  The drama there.  Argh.).  There are some behaviors that we will not miss having in our house.  One less school drop off and pick up each day.

Then there's the recognizing of all the lasts.  Just like whenever I've moved I start thinking "oh, this is my last time doing xyz."  Same thing.  Last trip to the library or playdate with a friend.  Lots of lasts.  Those come with some sadness, heavy heartedness, and maybe a little bit of heartbreak.  They've been my kids for a long time now.... even though they never fully were.

And, of course, there is some anxiety over what comes next.  I know, as an adult, I might be sad at times, but I have a level of confidence that Marty & I will get through this transition okay.  I even feel like our boys are going to be able to roll with it fairly well.  But I don't know that for sure.  I don't really know what to expect.

Then there's the baby and the captain.  I don't know how this transition will go for them.  We are adding longer visits at home to prep them.  The captain is pretty excited to live in a home with less structure and more freedom - he's quick to tell me that.  He knows his mom and dad and wants to live with them.  He also loves us and is quick to say those words and that he will miss us.

It's harder and easier for baby girl.  Easier because she doesn't have memories of what led to their removal from the home.  Potentially harder because she has lived here for a long time.  She doesn't have memories of mom and dad.  She has built a relationship with them, but it is still going to be starting fresh in some ways.

It seems easy for outsiders to want to bash the kids' parents.... but that's not fair.  Yes, they made some really bad choices that did not keep their kids safe.  They have also done a lot of work over the past 18 months to get to a place where their kids could be returned to their home.  All parents have the right to be able to raise their children, as long as they can keep them safe.  They get to have another chance.  I don't know if it will work out or not, but I hope and pray for the sake of these beautiful little kids that it will.

I guess that is all to say, there are a lot of unknowns.  Just like there are in many other areas of life.

Why are we doing this?

I went to court today.  I advocated for our sweet, beautiful, red-headed, strong willed, silly foster kids to have a plan for permanency.

I missed one of our boys field trips.  Another girl in his class reportedly told him that they are going to get married and have 5 kids.  He is going to be the baby's daddy.  Baby daddy.  Love it.

Court was fine.  I was nervous to stand up and speak before the judge.  Even though if I had met the judge at a dinner party I could have told him openly and passionately my feelings on this case. But add in the formality of a black robe, standing up with a microphone and being recorded and it seemed intimidating.

Our boys have a love/hate relationship with foster care.  Five kids is a lot. It is loud. There are things we sacrifice in order to have foster kids in our home.  Camping trips didn't happen this summer, but road trips and vacations did.

Foster care is hard.  My heart is heavy today.  There is not an easy answer.  I went to court to advocate for the kids to have a plan for permanency, but I did not go knowing or even suggesting what that plan should be.  I just know that they have been out of the home for 472 days (with us for 356 of those days).  That is a long time.  It is more than 3/4 of the baby's life.  More than 1/4 of the captain's life.

I left questioning "Why are we even doing this?"

I guess all conventional and worldly wisdom would say "no", this is not my problem.  I have enough on my plate to deal with.

These are true statements.  Marty and I are not perfect people nor perfect parents.  We have our struggles with our own kids and in our own marriage.  We have yet to find the "easy" button when it comes to any of this.  Being foster parents has pushed our lives to a different level of crazy.

But even in questioning today, I can't walk away.  I passionately can't walk away.  As in, there's a burning in my heart for these kids and the other kids out there and I can't just say "this isn't my problem".  It has to be our problem.

I had someone tell me, "there has to be someone else out there who wants these kids."  Maybe, but probably not.  Foster parents are always in short supply and they went through three homes in 3 1/2 months before coming to our home.

Are my kids missing out on parts of their childhood?  I don't know.  Maybe.  Are they learning things about the world they would not experience in our private Christian school in our middle class neighborhood?  Absolutely.  I pray they are learning compassion.  I pray they are learning about Jesus.  The Jesus I read about in the Bible doesn't stand on a street corner and preach about what other people should or should not be doing.  Jesus goes and loves the people that no one else wants to love.  He hangs out with them.  He didn't go get a job so he could go on fancy vacations to the Red Sea.  He didn't protect the ones around him from experiencing the pain of this world.  He walked right into it.

I want to protect our kids.  But I also want them to see this world around them and to realize that having a house, a job, and relative stability in life is a luxury.  This life is hard.  Maybe by doing this small, and sometimes big, thing called foster care we are making somewhat of a difference.

Hope Floats.

"Beginnings are usually scary, endings are usually sad.  But it is what is in the middle that counts.  That is when hope floats."

Back in late '90s I kept a quote journal.  This one is from the movie Hope Floats.... which I remember absolutely nothing about other than it was likely a chick flick and I think Sandra Bullock was in it.

This quote has been running through my head a lot these last few weeks in relation to foster care.

Beginnings are usually scary....

Both times children have been placed in our home, I have spent the first few nights sobbing into my pillow instead of sleeping.  That first time it was while holding 2 month old "Baby Cuteness."  I did not want another baby in my arms at that moment.  I did not know what he wanted.... I did not know his cries.... I did not know what to do.  I did not know how this would work for our family.... how long he would be in our home.... how would we do this?!?

I thought the second time around would be different.  We knew what to expect.  It was not different.  If anything, it was even more difficult.  We put 3 year old "Captain" to bed and he was terrified.  He wanted comfort that we were unable to provide.  He wanted a room he knew and a familiar face.  After his screams had stopped and we had put his baby sister to sleep also, I sobbed into my pillow again.  With similar thoughts.  What are we doing?!?! How are we going to manage two 3 year old boys.  Maybe we should not be doing this.  Maybe the people in our lives who question us are right.  This is scary and I don't know that we can do this.

Endings are usually sad.....

We hear regularly, "I could never do foster care.  I would get too attached.  I would never be able to say goodbye."  Spoiler alert.... We can't either.  Yes, we are doing it, but I regularly do not know how.

Philipians 4:13  I can do all things through 

Christ who gives me strength.  

I think and pray this verse on a daily basis.  When I'm rocking "baby girl" to sleep... the same baby girl who struggled to even let me hold her to give a bottle a couple months ago.  When "Captain" is laughing his amazing, infectious laugh.  When he is sharing heartaches that a 3 year old should not have experienced.  Each time I think, how are we going to hand them back?  And we will.  They will go back home.  

However, we aren't saying good-bye every day.  Yes, there will come an ending point when they will go back home and we will say good-bye and it will be sad.  But that is not the every day.  I can't imagine saying "no" to loving them and providing for them today because I don't want to do that hard and sad day where we say good-bye.  They are doing hard, sad things every day.  I can handle that day (and the hard days that follow) and so can my family.

But it is what is in the middle that counts.  And that is when hope floats.

Right now is when hope is floating.   The scary beginning has passed.  We are loving the two little ones in our family.  We drove them 13 hours to stay a week at the farm in Iowa.  They are loved on by our families and friends.  The tantrums, laughter, joys, sorrows, meetings, endless phone calls, paperwork and appointments that come with foster care are a normal part of our life right now.  And overall it is all working for our family.  That is not to say that it is always super easy or always my favorite, but we are doing the thing that we feel God has called us to do.  That makes it good.

Hope floats. I have hopes that the joyful times in our home will outweigh the times that are difficult and the tears that are big (mine, the kids, they all mix together some days).  I have hope that even when it is challenging, we are giving these little ones a solid start and some stability right now.  There is hope that while we are loving these kids, their mom and dad are working on the things that are currently preventing them from parenting.  They are learning how to provide a more stable life for their kids.... and there is hope that this very broken foster care system might work for these kids.  Hope.

Ephesians 3:20-21  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably 

more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever!  Amen.

There are also prayers that Jesus will do way more than I can even imagine in the lives of these children.  That in addition to knowing everything about them and having a plan for them, I pray that they are able to see Christ's love shine through us.  Especially on the days when my own love and my own strength are hard to find.  I have the same prayers for the biological and adopted kids living in our home.... they are magnified a bit for the kids that I know we only have a limited time in their lives to make an impact.  And that, my friends, is when hope floats.  (Yep, I know it is a super cheesy quote, but it is also so fitting). 

Why you should consider foster care. Yes, YOU.

We took our 2nd foster placement at the beginning of November.  After just moving to a new house that needs a lot of updates.  Thankfully we are really settling in, in many ways.  This time we have a 3 1/2 year old boy ("Captain" is his nickname) and a 9 month old baby girl (we just call her "Baby Girl").

My heart melts when I think how little boy got the nickname "Captain", but I'll save that for a different post.  Remind me, k?

I can think of dozens of reasons why we should not be foster parents.  But none of them win when it comes to the reasons why.

1.  We can.  We have stable housing, a stable income, and an overall stable place to be.  We want to do this and God has provided us with the things we need in order to do it.

2.  You don't have to be a perfect parent or have a perfect family to provide a child with a safe, loving home.  Our family = not perfect.  We have kids of our own who have challenges (or are challenging), but in many ways I think that has simply prepared us more for being foster parents.

3.  This is our first placement with a child who talks.... Oh. My. Goodness. Friends.  If you have any desire to be a foster parent - PLEASE consider it.  The craziest days in our home do not compare to the things that have been seen and experienced by the children who have been removed from their homes.

4.  Our own kids.  We have chosen at this point to only foster children who are younger than our youngest child.  Our children are learning and growing along with us in this journey.  The conversations and the prayers we have shared with them are so encouraging.
 
YOU can do this!  If you have the desire, don't let your fears of these kids get in your way.  Seriously, no matter where you are living, there is a real need for quality foster homes.  I know we have only fostered 3 children at this point, but they have been the sweetest little kids.  Sweetest.  I am so thankful for the time that we get to love on each of them and to be part of their story.  And YOU can also do it.  Seriously, YOU can.

Owen, "Captain", and Gavin.  Seriously, just imagine all the energy in our house right now.  

 

God Chose.

-- "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.   Jeremiah 29:11 --

Baby Cuteness went home yesterday afternoon as planned.  It was a sad day, but I know that we'll see him again..... partially because I neglected to give his new foster mom some of his formula.  Whoops. :/  She is actually open to us seeing him ongoing at this point, so we will see what that looks like as we move forward.

Owen enjoyed some last minute snuggles and singing time before Cuteness left. 

Owen (3 1/2) is the child in our family who has had the hardest time seeing Cuteness leave.  After lunch yesterday I encouraged the boys to spend some time with Cuteness.  This conversation followed between the boys:

Owen (sobbing): "But Mommy, I don't want him to leave!  You're the Mommy and you get to choose.  I want you to choose for him to stay!"  (Big thoughts for a 3 1/2 year old).

Elijah: "No, Mommy is just the Foster Mom, so she doesn't get to choose."

Gavin "No, God gets to choose.  And God chose that we would just love him for a little bit and then he would go somewhere else."

And that was that.  God has a plan for Baby Cuteness and I'm glad that we were a part of it.

Sleepy time snuggles. 

Between 4 days and forever

Our first foster placement summarized in one blog post.  If that is possible?

We got the call for placement on Friday, 4/10 around 1pm.  A few short hours later, 2 month old "Baby Cuteness" arrived in our home.  We were told there was a strong possibility he would leave our home on Tuesday (4/14) to go live with a friend of his mom's (we'll call her Helen).

It is just shy of 3 months later and we are now preparing for him to leave on Tuesday to go live with Helen.

How to summarize the three months!?!

First off, there was initial chaos.  Within 48 hours of Cuteness' arrival, the stomach bug started going around our family, a raccoon ate one of our chickens, a toilet started leaking (insert plumber), I was on the phone with Urgent Care for the baby when Elijah choked on his dinner and threw up all over the table, and then we spent two nights in the hospital with Cuteness for dehydration.... he did not weather the stomach bug well.

There was the agonizing month when the county asked us if we would consider being an adoptive placement for Baby Cuteness if the other options did not work out.

But the day to day part of being a foster family has worked well for our family.  It has given us a platform of sorts for great conversations with the boys in our family as well as with friends.  It is evident that the need for foster families is very real.  The day to day chaos is manageable and we are able to do this - and enjoy doing it.  We are enjoying loving on a child who needs to be loved.

The biggest thing I have learned in this placement is what our role is as a foster family.  We really have felt that our role is "to love him like he is our own until he is not."  The most difficult part of fostering this first time around was learning how the foster care system rolls.  There are certainly injustices in the system and I could give many examples.  The biggest is the fact that we didn't have visits with Helen for these 3 months.... even though we requested them and we knew that the county was looking into her as a possible placement.  I feel like that would make the transition a little smoother for our family, her family and for Cuteness.

Tuesday will be a sad day for our family, but it is also a day that we will be able to rejoice in being a family of five again for a time.  We will certainly miss Baby Cuteness a lot, but we will also be busy with our own summer fun.  We will quickly go from having a nap time to the freedom of no naps, no diaper bag, no bottles and no baby food to carry along with us.

Summary: Yes, the foster care system is not a perfect or ideal system.  But we can do our part in it and love a child like he is our own, until he is not.  As long as we can focus on that, we're going to do this again, and again.

Cuteness has been well loved.  We'll miss him and love him always.

 

Hostage Situation

We are not a family that spends a whole lot of days at home.  Because, well:

Enter in the stomach flu.  We have had two bouts of it in the past two months.  Here is what has happened..... One kid gets sick and everyone else is well.  We wait the required 24 hours of being symptom free before we enter the world again.  Then the 2nd kid gets sick.... and the 3rd.... and the 4th... and Mom.... and Dad.  Enter in two weeks of not leaving the house.

We are currently on child number 2 of the 2nd round.  

I feel like I am a hostage in my house.  

There are all these small people who want to leave, but we are all housebound.  Everyone gets wonky and starts making completely unreasonable requests.  While lying on the floor screaming and crying. And of course, there is the sick kid that gets nearly anything he wants.  Including an insane amount of screen time.  The other boys are certain that they are going to literally die of boredom since whatever was planned for the day has been wiped off the calendar.  

I have a feeling I will block out this phase of life.  Hopefully this little blog post will help me remember it as I age.  When there is just one or two children in the family, an illness can be a relaxing time of snuggling, extra long naps, deep cleaning and relaxation from a busy schedule.

4 kids.  Serious hostage situation people.  

Quoting one of Owen's favorite sayings "I gotta get outta here!"

Owen's Shenanigans

she·nan·i·gans: 

1. secret or dishonest activity or maneuvering.

   • silly or high-spirited behavior; mischief.

   
   

After an 8 month hiatus in any blogging whatsoever, I have concluded that the daily shenanigans of our 3 year really needs some documentation.  For his future self.  And so when I am old and claim that he was the most difficult 3 year old ever, I've got some documentation to back that up.

This weekend a beautiful orange tiger cat followed Elijah home from getting the mail.  It had tags which read "Special Diet.  Do Not Feed." followed by a phone number.  Being the responsible citizens that we are, Marty called the number to inform them that their cat was on our front porch.  The kitty is an outdoor cat.  The owner warned us that kitty may end up trying to get into our house.

Problem statement:  I am not a cat person.  It may have something to do with growing up on a farm where there were plenty of farm cats that probably did not appreciate my young self trying to hold them and groom them.  Whatever happened, I am forever traumatized and do not trust cats.

After instructing Owen that under no circumstances should he let kitty into our house, I had to have known that was what was coming next.  

Owen stayed outside with Marty mowing the lawn and as the minutes passed, sure enough, there come kitty and Owen.  Being the rational adult that I am, I start screaming for Marty to come and rescue me from the calm, tame cat.... which I should mention is not declawed.  Like a crazy person.

3 year old: One point, Mommy: Zero.

Given Mommy's great response the first time, of course Owen was going to try again.  This time he let the cat in the house and then ran up the stairs so the cat would go snuggle him in his bed.  For real.  

Repeat above steps with Mommy losing her over-loving-mind.

Following the second entrance, Owen was not allowed back outside and the cat took up residence on our front porch for the entire day, sleeping on our patio furniture.  And Owen spent the entire day trying to get kitty back in the house.  With that devious look on his face... which he calls "I sneakin' at you with my eyes." Got to get a picture of that on here.

If I knew I was going to blog about it, I would have taken a photo of the cat too. 

You Cannot Make This Stuff Up.

In case you missed it, we are the proud owners of backyard chickens.  Last night Marty and I went out on a hot date to "back to school night" for the parents.  We came home to a devastated 8 year old because one of the chickens was missing.  We had reason to believe that it had gotten over the fence near the coop, so Marty was out in the neighbors backyard with a flashlight looking for the chicken (whose name happens to be Journey).  No luck.

We kept our eyes out this morning on the drive to school.... just in case we might actually see a chicken cross the road.  No luck.

After Gavin & Elijah were off at school and the rain had died down, I set off on the adventure of finding the chicken.  Hoping and praying that she survived the night outside the coop.  While scouring the next door neighbors yard, I saw her!  In the yard of the neighbors behind us..... which is precisely where I did not want her to be. We don't have a terrible relationship with these neighbors, we just don't know them and there have just been a few comments made over the years about our annoying Cottonwood trees.

With much hesitation, I wandered over the neighbors house. The plan was simple.  Catch the chicken, throw it over the (6 foot privacy) fence, go home and resume the day.

The elderly woman who answered the door was sweet as can be.  I have seen her and her husband over the fence many times, but never actually met them.... only some of their adult children.  She was more than happy to let me in the backyard to catch the chicken.

Problem.  I could not catch this chicken.  Oh my goodness.  And in the meantime Owen is throwing apples from her apple tree at the chicken.... which was not helping the situation.  I apologized profusely and said I would need to come back in a couple hours with my 8 year old.  He is really the one who is good at catching chickens.

We walk back through the house to go out front (as Owen is trying to take his shoes off, see if she has any toys, and asking what snacks she has).... the neighbor (that I just met) told me that her husband just died on Monday; less than 48 hours ago.  So she should be home for the rest of the day, but she really doesn't know....and family is coming into town.... and my chicken is in her backyard.  :(  So sad and so awkward.  And I have no choice but to come back so I can get my chicken out of her backyard.

Fast forward two hours and I return with a sympathy card, a hug, an 8 year old, a box, and a worm for bait.  (All the smaller children I dropped off with a friend this time).  As we walk into the backyard Elijah informs me.... "Mom, I haven't caught Journey since July!  She's really hard to catch."  Great.  This chicken is impossible to catch.  We are chasing this chicken all over and working up a sweat. We also have assistance from one of the neighbor's middle aged daughters.  (Who is here to grieve the recent loss of her father, not try to catch a chicken.)  Eventually we come up with the idea that we will grab some chicken feed and try to bait her into a box with that because she has to be getting hungry.

I decide that we will send Elijah over the (6 foot privacy) fence to grab some chicken feed.  This is a fence he has scaled many times to play with another backyard neighbor.  Well, this morning had been rainy so the fence was wet.  And as he was walking along it, holding onto the other neighbors backyard fort, he slipped and landed on his bottom.  One leg on each side of the fence.  Oh. My. Goodness.  So much pain.  This time I had to leave in a hurry with my crying, hurt child.  Leaving the chicken in the backyard.  For a second time that day.

Third attempt.  This time we arrive with me, Gavin, Elijah, Josh (the dad of a little boy I babysit), and a fishing net duct taped to a broomstick to catch the chicken.  (That was Plan A).  Plan B: Marty would scale the fence after dark (so we wouldn't have to disturb the grieving family a 4th time), find the roosting (aka sleeping) chicken in the dark & return it home.  Marty wanted nothing to do with disturbing a grieving family to chase a chicken around their backyard and they don't have easy access to the backyard other than through the house.

With the help of all those people, plus two grieving adult daughters, in less than 10 minutes the chicken was caught in the fishing net, placed in a box and safely loaded in the back of the minivan.

You can't make this stuff up, right?

Chickens.

I write blog posts in my head all the time.   Sadly, my head is unable to wrap itself around the idea that no can actually read those posts.  I'm sure they are quite entertaining and fun, but by the end of the day I just don't get around to writing them down.  Thus the many month break......

This week we have ventured into "Urban Agriculture".

Step 1:
Elijah interviewed (we'll use that term loosely) three families to learn about their experiences raising chickens (since these are going to be his chickens).  After many reassurances that chickens are not smart animals and that they are really easy to care for..... we decided we would go for it.

Step 2:
Some neighbors gave us their old chicken coop since they aren't planning to have chickens again.  The coop hadn't been used in a while, so it needed a bit of fixing up.  The entire family was able to help out.

Step 3:  Get chickens!!!!  This was a bit overwhelming.  I had no idea there were so many varieties of chickens!  We found a bunch for sale on Craigslist and bought 6 chickens.  For anyone who knows chickens, we have an Amauricana, 2 Rhode Island Reds, 2 Speckled Sussex, and a Silver Laced Wyandote.  The older birds should be laying eggs starting in August.

 It took only moments until the boys wanted to get in the chicken coop with the chickens.  And why not?!?!

 Owen was the first one who was brave enough to try and touch them.  And as you can see, he was super excited about it.

Elijah then got really brave and actually picked one up!  This is his most favorite chicken who he named "Joy".  She will eventually lay pretty green/blue eggs.  

And then he gave "Joy" to Gavin to hold.  Which gave us this super sweet photo.

We've let the little chickens run free in the backyard a little bit.  The little guys all stick together.

So far our chicken raising adventure has been great.   Elijah loves his chickens and checks on them multiple times throughout the day.  Most of them allow him to pick them up and micromanage their movements.

And then there is Owen.  I came outside yesterday afternoon to find this going on.  OWEN!  In case you can't tell what is going on here, Owen is shooting at the chickens with his water gun.   The chickens may not enjoy Owen so much......

We are looking forward to some backyard fresh eggs in the coming months!!!!  :)

Bugs, worms and beetles.... oh my!

The weather is cooling, we're waking up to see frost on the ground and a light snow last week.

Which also means the ladybugs, flies and worms are slowing down a bit.  Making them really easy for little boys to catch.

Once the little boys catch them, they feel the need to rescue them, keep them safe, give them a name, and build them a new home.

Boys and their friends 'rescuing' a poor lost worm from under the swings.

Soon after building the new homes, it seems that most of these little guys get sleepy.  Then comes the big debate between the brothers as to whether the ladybug is asleep or dead.  The conclusion thus far has been that the ladybugs are just really tired.  In the case of the earthworm (who wasn't looking to great even at the beginning of his great adventure), soon became hard and stuck to the leaf (aka 'his new home').  We had to give him a final resting place in the yard.

Boys with their ladybugs (Kiley & Fredrika) in their new "homes".
After I took the photo, Gavin announced "Mom, Fredrika is actually dead."

And the story with the fly.  We had what my mom would call a "drizzly fly" in the house this week.  The kind that just fly around really slow looking like they are just waiting to die.  Gavin discovered the fly sitting on the wall and quickly asked for the fly swatter (with a lot of excitement).   The kid swung at the fly twice, missing both times.... and the fly didn't move.  Yes, he was that near death already.  The pure joy that Gavin showed once he smashed that fly was comical.  He ran around the house for a couple minutes yelling, "I WON!  I WON!  The fly is DEAD!"  He quickly had to find his Daddy and big brother so they could share in his excitement of killing his first housefly.

Stinky.

Marty and I went to a Rockies game last night with his family.  Without our children.  It was awesome and I don't really even care that much at all about baseball.  Marty loves it though, so it is fun to watch him enjoy the game so much.

The evening was beautiful, the first 6 innings of the game went by quickly, I had an adult beverage, good conversation and a funnel cake.  All without children.  It was great.

Marty and me.  Rockies game self portrait.

The only downside is that we got home really late.  After 11p, which is unheard of for us to be awake at that time in this phase of life.  I did not get up for my morning run and instead threw on clean clothes, the same hat and started out the busy day.

Part of that busy day included a chiropractor visit.  I have become a huge fan of the chiropractor recently.... but that is completely separate story.

While I was in his office and he was cracking away at my spine I was thinking.... "Wow, something in here is really stinky."

And I went on with the appointment.... la de da da.....

Went on with the day and all is well.

And a few hours later I realized that the stink in the chiropractor's office was my feet.  AWESOME.

Sorry Mr. Chiropractor.  I'll be sure to shower before coming in next week.

First day of school!!! First day of school!!!!

I woke Elijah up this morning happily singing the little tune of "first day of school, first day of school" from "Finding Nemo".  His response was similar to Marlin's in the movie.... it goes something like "I don't want to go to school...."

We were all ready to go!  Being the ridiculously-on-top-of-it-mom that I am, we finished up school supply shopping less than an hour before the back to school ice cream social last week.  (Although we are still missing the red pencils with erasers - whoops.  Office Depot was sold out - lame).

And just last night we cleaned out his backpack.... which was only half heartedly taken care of on the last day of kindergarten.  It has spent the summer happily relaxing in Elijah's garage locker.  I did make sure there was no food or drink in it before summer storage so it was fun to get to find the end of the year surprises from kindergarten still in his bag.  

We are so on top of things around here.

Mommy, however, was super duper excited about the first day of school!  YAY!  I love the lazy days of summer (which went by really fast), but I also love the routine that school days give us.

Photo taking didn't go so well... this is the best shot of all three of them. 

Only shot with Elijah looking towards the camera.  1st day of 1st grade!

 

Gavin's 1st day of preschool!  Wearing his most favorite spiderman shirt.
And spiderman undies too, but thankfully we can't see them in this shot.

Owen had no idea what was going on, but he wanted to line up and say "cheese" also.  :)

We dropped Elijah off at school and then had nearly about 45 minutes until Gavin needed to be dropped off at preschool.  He had been so excited to go to school, but after we dropped Elijah off his tune changed drastically.  He started saying "me no want to go to school, Mommy" and "me want to stay here with you and Owen.... me will be nice & kind Mommy".  Uhmmm... I may have told Elijah that it is good for him to get a break and go to school because he is not always nice and kind to his brothers.... whoops.  Apparently Gavin picked up on that.  

On the way to take Gavin to school he had all sorts of important questions like "where are the tissues and who will wipe my nose?" and "who is going to help me go potty?".  We found the place to hang his backpack, the tissues in the classroom, and I left as he hesitantly joined the line to wash his hands.  And I just knew he was going to love it.

When I picked him up from class, his teacher (Mrs. Carter) told me something along the lines of "Oh, I am going to love your little boy.  He is so sweet."  And she is so right.  He LOVED his first day of school.

He talked my ear off about singing "The wheels on the bus" and his new friends.  His words were "Mommy, me like my new friends.  Them Nathan & Alex.  Them really cool."  EXTROVERT.  He was giddy for the next hour.  So excited.

Now for the introvert of the family.  After I picked up Elijah, he gave me a few brief details of his day.  Brief.  It was then time to come home for lunch.  As Gavin rambled on about his day Elijah's head was about to explode.  He begged for silence or to just go eat outside by himself because he could not handle all this talking after just being around people all morning.

We compromised and listened to Dr. Seuss on audiobook throughout lunch.  Success.

As Gavin rattled off the names of the other children in his 3 year old preschool class, Elijah noted that he has absolutely no idea of the names of the children he played with at recess.  Just that they were not new kids, he has played with them before, and names are obviously not an important part of first grade.  Such a HUGE difference between an extrovert and an introvert.  It will be interesting to see how that plays out as they grow.... and it was fascinating to see on the first day of school.

They were both exhausted by bedtime.  Yay!  Here's for another big day tomorrow.  

Welcome back routine of school.  Oh how I have missed you.  :)

Just. Can't. Remember.

My BFF, Heather, just gave birth to her second baby last week.  A little girl and she is darling.  I mean, really, look at her. 

Heather's baby girl.... one day old.

Heather also has a 24 month old son, so she asked me how things went for me when I was nursing a new baby and keeping a toddler out of trouble.   (Gavin & Owen are 21-ish months apart.)

Huh.  I have absolutely no idea.  As in, if someone put a gun to my head telling me that I needed to answer the question correctly to save my life, not sure I would be able to do it.  Huh.  No idea.  Part of me says, that must mean it wasn't too bad?!?  And the other part of me says "it must have been horrible and God has allowed me to block out that phase of life."

I think this is God's way of the earth being filled - we simply don't remember how difficult some parts of life are.  At least that is my current theory.

Rolling with that theory, I'm really feeling like I should document a bit of this current phase of life.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

I know this phase of life goes by quickly (and oh so slowly all at the same time).  Mothers and grandmothers regularly tell me how much they loved the phase of life when then their children were little.  I agree with them.... there are so many things about little ones that I love: snuggles, cute sayings, innocent games, belly laughs that can't be replicated by someone over 35 pounds or so, story times, stroller rides, learning animal names & noises, new words, etc, etc.

And then there is the reality of daily life.  This post is not about venting, it is primarily meant for me to be able to look back and read when I (God willing) have 3 daughter-in-laws and a few grandchildren. When I am looking at their lives and thinking "I don't know why they think things are so hard!  I didn't even have the fancy pants robots that they have now to take care of everything for them.  My kids slept through the night at 2 weeks old, they NEVER acted like this, my house was clean AND I managed to grow my own garden, exercise, take my kids on play dates and educational experiences as well as volunteering in my church and the kid's school."

You see.... that is what I am going to think I remember.  But that is NOT reality.  Here is what the day ACTUALLY looks like.  (And let's start by clarifying that our boys are AWFUL at sleeping, my house is a disaster, etc, etc).

4:30am: O is awake and screaming for reasons unknown to anyone in our home.  E is upset and doesn't want to share a room with him anymore because it is annoying.  Marty and I are just at our wits end not knowing why he won't sleep.  Marty finally just gives up, taking Owen for an early morning walk.  Sweet - at least I get a bit more sleep.

5:45am:  G is awake and wants everyone to know.  He would also like assistance putting on his underpants and clothing.  He communicates this by coming to my side of the bed yelling "Mommy STOP SLEEPING.  Me want new underpants, please."  Glad he adds in that please part.

Owen.  On the table.  Again.

 From then until about 8am comes the early morning chaos.  Owen insists on pulling everything out of the cupboards and off of the counters while I attempt to make breakfast and prepare everyone for the day.  When I turn my back to do things like get myself a refill of coffee (stepping over the kids plates that have now been neatly arranged on the floor), Owen climbs on top of the table trying to steal food from his brothers.  Or opens the door to try and run out into the street, or pulls the laptop off the desk, or tears up/chews on the bills needing to be paid (true stories).  

In the midst of this chaos, Elijah attempts to patiently inform me that he is still hungry and wants more to eat.... while Gavin creates inedible masterpieces with his breakfast.... like mashed peanut butter banana and water all carefully constructed with his hands.... which leads to what we will call "intense disappointment" because his breakfast is inedible and his hands are sticky.

At this point in the day, I usually think.... on my goodness.... it is only 8am and I am pretty sure it feels like 5pm.  Is it time for Marty to get home from work yet?  We need to get out of this house!

There are, of course, plenty of good & sweet moments throughout the day.  This is just a glimpse into the reality of the things that I most likely won't remember.

I actually feel like I will remember some of the specifics:

Owen.  "Helping" me to un-fold the laundry I just folded. 

* kids throwing all the shoes down the stairs
* emptying books of shelves
* jumping off couches
* arguing and putting brothers in headlocks
* eating unidentified objects off the floor
* minor injuries

The part I think is impossible to catch or remember even with documenting it is just how all of those things can be happening AT ONCE.  How can E's favorite toy possibly be broken at the same time that the toddler peed all over the bathroom floor, the one year old is attempting to dive off the kitchen table AND the timer is beeping that I should pull dinner out of the oven?!?!?  And how can it be like that at multiple times throughout any given day?  Just typing the scenario made me tired.

Owen.  He falls asleep at lunch at lot these days.  Shocking, huh?

Gavin doesn't usually nap, but occasionally he will just crash.  Like this day last week in the stroller.

Hopefully I will remember these days.

I would like to be able to remember some of the chaos just so that I can be a blessing to other mom's when they are parenting young children.  To provide them with encouragement, coffee, a nap and possibly some funny stories.

And oh, how I wish I could bottle up a bit of those belly laughs from little boys.  Makes my heart hurt and tears well in my eyes knowing that these chaotic days will be gone before we know it.

Look at how grown up this kiddo is already!  It has gone by so fast!

Seriously.  Look at this sweet happy boy.  How could I ever forget this?

And this is the point where I add a sweet, innocent picture of Owen reminding me of just how sweet and precious he is.  But I can't find any pictures where he isn't either sleeping or getting into trouble.  With that realization I think there may be a theme to the chaos in our world.....

Getting schooled by my six year old

Well, he is almost seven, so it is totally normal that he should be teaching me things, right?

Last week as we were playing outside (and heard thunder) he told me "Mom, did you know that thunder is caused when lightening heats the air around it to 55 hundred degrees?"

Me:  "Uhmmm.... no.  And how do you know that?!?"

E: "I read it."

I had him show me where he read it.  It is actually 55,000 degrees.... but really, if you're six years old, what difference does an extra zero really make?  To me, the fact that he even read this information and then was able to recall it at an appropriate time with generally correct information was pretty fascinating.

--------------------------------------
This second story is a little bit harder to stomach because my six year old was actually CORRECTING me, CORRECTLY, while I was reading to him before bed last night.

We are currently reading "Mary Poppins" which is quite a fun little book.  There is a story in the book about a dancing red cow going to visit the king.  The king has a sceptre.  I read the line about the sceptre and made some comment like "I don't know what in the pants that is?!?"

Elijah responded with "Show me the word, Mommy."

Sure.  I am sure that my child who just finished kindergarten will be able to assist his mommy who graduated college with honors.  Go for it kid.

Elijah: "Oh mommy.  You pronounced that wrong!  The 'c' is silent and it is a sceptre!  I read about it in 'Mummies in the Morning' (a Magic Treehouse book).

Me: "Uhmmm, so, what is a sceptre?"

Elijah: "Oh, it's this stick thing that kings and magicians have.  Sometimes they have jewels on them...."

And he went on explaining a sceptre to me.  He was so ridiculously proud of himself (as he should be) and I was slightly disappointed in myself and my lacking knowledge of sceptres.

When he went upstairs to climb into bed he proudly shared the story with Marty.

Marty says, in my defense, that I probably didn't read a whole lot of books that involved a sceptre in my youth..... whereas little boys will read many.

Schooled by my six year old.

(Also, in my defense, blogger is trying to tell me that I am spelling sceptre incorrectly.... but I double checked Mary Poppins and that is how it spelled there.  So there.)