Going from having 5 kids to having 3 kids is amazing. A-MAZING. The level of drama in our lives and house is so low and so great. We have gone on a few hikes as a family, had a family game night.... just done family stuff that did not happen as easily with the dynamic of our two extra kids.
I love those two extra kids with all my heart - and I am also glad that they aren't living here. Which makes me feel a little bit like a jerk, but I know it is the right thing! The statement I hear most often as a foster parent is "I couldn't let them go." I don't know how each placement will go and how saying good-bye will go, but so far with our placements, it's been okay. In this case, the parents have made immeasurable progress and are working so hard to be the best parents they can be. They really are. My heart is happy for them. They have their kids back. They are doing their best to give their kids a good childhood.
The first two weeks after they left were a little tough. I walked into our agency office thinking that I would just drop off my paperwork from the month and ended up hearing my voice crack and tears enter my eyes as I asked the question "are they safe?" Hearing, "yes, we feel the kids are safe" was such a huge relief. An even better feeling came less than a week later when we actually got to see the kids. They spent an afternoon at our house and my heart was so full that it physically hurt. Then I dropped the kids off to their parents, went home, and had a normal evening. With our 3 kids. It is great.
Owen asked recently "can I still call them my brother & sister?" Yes, sweet boy, you can. Our family might look a little different than others, but I don't really care what you call them. Just love them.
It's been an introspective week. Trying to figure out what to do with the "extra" time on my hands. Taking a break from fostering has been a sweet time for our boys. We are all enjoying each other. We have had great conversations about fostering, about loving people in and outside of our family, and about what things we want to do before we take another placement.
I love fostering. I feel like God has called us to be foster parents. I love being a part of something bigger than myself, my family, my home, etc. I like being a part of a team looking for how to best meet the needs of those around us. I know I could be a part of a team in a normal job with less stress, but that isn't what I think God has called me to do. There are, of course, a lot of really hard things as well.... but I'm just going to skip those for this post.
On that note, I love taking a break from fostering. We have a chance to recharge and enjoy our family. We need to chance to unlearn some things that became normal kid behavior in our house over the past year. We need a break from the paperwork, the meetings and having everything in our house under lock and key. Basically we need a break from the things about fostering that are really hard.
As of right now, I do believe we will foster again.
