Hope Floats.

"Beginnings are usually scary, endings are usually sad.  But it is what is in the middle that counts.  That is when hope floats."

Back in late '90s I kept a quote journal.  This one is from the movie Hope Floats.... which I remember absolutely nothing about other than it was likely a chick flick and I think Sandra Bullock was in it.

This quote has been running through my head a lot these last few weeks in relation to foster care.

Beginnings are usually scary....

Both times children have been placed in our home, I have spent the first few nights sobbing into my pillow instead of sleeping.  That first time it was while holding 2 month old "Baby Cuteness."  I did not want another baby in my arms at that moment.  I did not know what he wanted.... I did not know his cries.... I did not know what to do.  I did not know how this would work for our family.... how long he would be in our home.... how would we do this?!?

I thought the second time around would be different.  We knew what to expect.  It was not different.  If anything, it was even more difficult.  We put 3 year old "Captain" to bed and he was terrified.  He wanted comfort that we were unable to provide.  He wanted a room he knew and a familiar face.  After his screams had stopped and we had put his baby sister to sleep also, I sobbed into my pillow again.  With similar thoughts.  What are we doing?!?! How are we going to manage two 3 year old boys.  Maybe we should not be doing this.  Maybe the people in our lives who question us are right.  This is scary and I don't know that we can do this.

Endings are usually sad.....

We hear regularly, "I could never do foster care.  I would get too attached.  I would never be able to say goodbye."  Spoiler alert.... We can't either.  Yes, we are doing it, but I regularly do not know how.

Philipians 4:13  I can do all things through 

Christ who gives me strength.  

I think and pray this verse on a daily basis.  When I'm rocking "baby girl" to sleep... the same baby girl who struggled to even let me hold her to give a bottle a couple months ago.  When "Captain" is laughing his amazing, infectious laugh.  When he is sharing heartaches that a 3 year old should not have experienced.  Each time I think, how are we going to hand them back?  And we will.  They will go back home.  

However, we aren't saying good-bye every day.  Yes, there will come an ending point when they will go back home and we will say good-bye and it will be sad.  But that is not the every day.  I can't imagine saying "no" to loving them and providing for them today because I don't want to do that hard and sad day where we say good-bye.  They are doing hard, sad things every day.  I can handle that day (and the hard days that follow) and so can my family.

But it is what is in the middle that counts.  And that is when hope floats.

Right now is when hope is floating.   The scary beginning has passed.  We are loving the two little ones in our family.  We drove them 13 hours to stay a week at the farm in Iowa.  They are loved on by our families and friends.  The tantrums, laughter, joys, sorrows, meetings, endless phone calls, paperwork and appointments that come with foster care are a normal part of our life right now.  And overall it is all working for our family.  That is not to say that it is always super easy or always my favorite, but we are doing the thing that we feel God has called us to do.  That makes it good.

Hope floats. I have hopes that the joyful times in our home will outweigh the times that are difficult and the tears that are big (mine, the kids, they all mix together some days).  I have hope that even when it is challenging, we are giving these little ones a solid start and some stability right now.  There is hope that while we are loving these kids, their mom and dad are working on the things that are currently preventing them from parenting.  They are learning how to provide a more stable life for their kids.... and there is hope that this very broken foster care system might work for these kids.  Hope.

Ephesians 3:20-21  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably 

more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever!  Amen.

There are also prayers that Jesus will do way more than I can even imagine in the lives of these children.  That in addition to knowing everything about them and having a plan for them, I pray that they are able to see Christ's love shine through us.  Especially on the days when my own love and my own strength are hard to find.  I have the same prayers for the biological and adopted kids living in our home.... they are magnified a bit for the kids that I know we only have a limited time in their lives to make an impact.  And that, my friends, is when hope floats.  (Yep, I know it is a super cheesy quote, but it is also so fitting).